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short hair & big wobbly chins

I've been secretly coveting a pixie-ish, Audrey Hepburn-esque haircut for years. Off and on for years and years. I haven't ever gotten it done because I think my face is too fat.

I've spent a great chunk of time today looking at fat ladies with short hair. A couple of hours ago, I tweeted this: "For distraction, I've been thinking about haircuts. Think I might go for something pixie-ish, with bangs. Big double-chin be damned."

Even so tweeted, I am nowhere near solidly decided. Because I think my face is too fat.

The "common" "wisdom" is that fat ladies shouldn't have hair that's "too short" (above chin-length, really) or "too long" (below shoulder-length) (how's that for range?) because it's unflattering. "Common" "wisdom" decrees short hair much worse than long hair on a fatty, because it "does expose the fullness of the face and jaw", makes the face "look fatter", and, as one stylist was quoted as saying, makes the fatty's head look like "a q-tip on a blimp" (question: why would anyone see that stylist?). Chin- to shoulder-length hair can "elongate the face and neck" and "hide the fat". Also asserted: hair creates "an illusion of body mass ... the more hair you have, the skinnier you look", so fatties are advised to get styles with height and fullness.
These are the voices in my head, because these are the voices in which I've been submerged since I got fat. I even see this stuff on fatshionista (though usually to a lesser degree, and usually only in posts from years ago). My last hair stylist - who was also my friend, and was also fat - even perpetrated a lot of these ideas.
(By the way, fat ladies shouldn't have long hair because it draws the eye down [to our chins, natch] & emphasizes the fullness of a face. "Common" "wisdom" says that the heaviness of long hair dramatically highlights the heaviness of a fat face. Yeah.)
Here's the thing: You know what? My face is fat. It's quite fat. And I do have a double chin. A big, fat, noticeable double chin. I am 285 pounds. There is no hairstyle in the world - no length, no fullness, no height - that's going to make me look like I'm not 285 pounds. There is no haircut that's going to conceal the "fullness of my face and jaw", or "hide [my] fat", or make me look "skinnier", or "create an illusion" of anything. There is no hairstyle that will make me look like I don't have a fat face or an enthusiastic, look-at-me double chin. Because I'm fat. I'm a lot fat, and so is my face, and so are my chins.

And here's the next thing: That's okay. Whether or not I can hide or disguise my fat is not the point, because I don't need to disguise my fat face or chin(s). There's nothing wrong with fat faces or chins. I don't need to hide or disguise anything. I'm 285 pounds. I'm fat. My face is full and wide and fat. I have a big ol' double chin. Why should I try to hide it with hair trickery? Why shouldn't I try any - every! - hairstyle I want?

I've had a more than a decade of bobs & chunky/piecey flips & a-line bobs, and they are very cute & very me & very flattering (a word that's started to give me an ugh reaction, because it usually means "fat-concealing"), but I'm tired of them. I want to do something different. And I'm not going to let our culture - external, or internalized - convince me that I can't wear a hairstyle just because my chin(s) and I are fat.

This entry was originally posted at http://cerebrate.dreamwidth.org/8893.html.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
shelly_rae
Jan. 9th, 2011 06:06 am (UTC)
Good. Just be who you are.
Anon
pescana
Jan. 9th, 2011 05:38 pm (UTC)
I think your hair is really cute in a bob, but I know what you mean about wanting something different. I won't cut my hair really short because I think it makes me look masculine (my features are too strong for a boyish cut, or something like that). Also because I am way too lazy to style my hair, so I need something basically wash and go.

I think it'd be cute on you though. I used to read Mode magazine when it was new, and it kind of drove me nuts how hard it was for them to figure out a balance between celebrating your curves and hiding them.

If it makes you feel kicky and pretty, then it's great.
sophiesdreaming
Jan. 10th, 2011 01:43 am (UTC)
This post is win! I think you are amazing! x
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )