the baffled queen composing hallelujah (sarrabellum) wrote,
the baffled queen composing hallelujah

that'll never be me

I will never dance with you. I will never fall asleep next to you, or wake up next to you. I will never lie with you under a tin roof on a warm, rainy afternoon. I will never be kissed by you on my birthday. I will never beam at you, exhausted, over a greasy diner breakfast on a bright morning. I will never bury my nose in your soft, warm neck and breathe in your cologne. I will never grab your tie and pull you towards me. I will never catch a glimpse of your cufflinks at the dinner table and anticipate the hot joy of watching you take them off in private. I will never pull your glasses off while we're kissing. I will never run my fingers through your hair. I will never hold your hand in the hospital. I will never rest my head on your chest while watching Buffy. I will never know what you look like when you sleep. I will never hear you say my name in a husky voice so filled with longing and affection that it breaks. I will never feel your hands cradling my head as you bend to kiss my neck. I will never gaze at you over candlelight. I will never stand on tiptoe to kiss your freshly-shaven cheek. I will never press a cardigan to my face to inhale your lingering scent. I will never lick soy sauce from the corner of your mouth while eating sushi. I will never spend a summer evening dangling my feet in the water while perched next to you at Greenlake. I will never put on one of your shirts to do a crossword puzzle at a desk in a hotel room. I will never taste coffee on your lips. I will never know the intense pleasure of your fingers twirling, tangled, in my hair. I will never smile or purse my lips for your camera.

I will always, always miss you.
Tags: jordan catalano, my heart hurts
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